What a whiny brat!!

I just read my last post. Geez!! Sorry.

Downward Spiral?

So much for things being better. I have slipped back into the sludge that is depression. I can't get excited about anything, I feel absolutely miserable: it's awful. Lexapro can take anywhere from 2 to 3 months to start working properly. I have been on it for less than a month and am desperately hoping that this is merely evidence that it is not yet working and not a sign of things to come. It's awful: I just don't know how else to put it.

About a week ago I had a blood test to check my thyroid to see if it may be partially responsible for my complete lack of energy. As it turns out, my thyroid is not currently doing a great job at producing one of two hormones, so it is partially (wholly?) to blame for my constant exhaustion. I am now taking thyroid medication once a day, which should take about 4-6 weeks to kick in. Thus far: no joy. I still can't really drive myself anywhere. About a week ago I just tried driving to the pharmacy and I fell asleep behind the wheel at an intersection, which was terrifying. Unless poor Craig is up for driving me (and he has been extremely busy with work) I'm basically house bound at the moment. For a normal person that would mean the place is sparkling and beautiful, but for a depressed person it means no such thing. It takes a _massive_ effort to do anything: shower, put on makeup, do dishes, do laundry, etc.

I'm so sad it hurts. I want my life back so badly. I really, really hope that the Lexapro is the right thing to be on, and that in 2 or 3 months I'm not just going to be in the same place and have to start the whole thing over with another medication.

So much better

I am finally out of the depressed woods. I am so grateful there are not enough words to express it. I was so worried I was never going to get myself back. I awakened two days ago feeling so good that I was dancing with our dogs! It was fantastic! The only problem I am still having in terms of withdrawals is being insanely tired. One moment I'm jumping for joy and the next I can barely keep my eyes open. It's nuts. I still sleep most hours of the day, but at least I'm happy the hours that I am awake.

Towards the end of the day I am filled with "over-tired" energy, if that makes sense. I flop around like a frustrated fish. Magnesium citrate (the pills, not the liquid) really help with that.

My eyes are literally closing as I am writing this. I am at one my bosses' offices and could curl up on the floor and sleep for five hours. I cannot wait for this to pass.

Again, most importantly, I'm soooooo happy!  Phew and hooray!

Now just to stay awake, darn it! :)

Coming off the Abilify...

Okay, back to why I started the blog.

So far, coming off of the Abilify has been a whirlwind. Don't forget that I am combining it with the introduction of the Lexapro. The first couple of days I felt almost normal, but now that I am down from 10mg to 2.5mg I am starting to get really depressed, with light undertones of the fear from before. In short: it sucks. I'm sleeping about 70% of the day, have no energy the hours that I am awake, no desire to do anything, it's horrible. I'm hoping it doesn't last very long. Withdrawals can only last so long after all...

All I can say is thank goodness for the Lexapro. I'm scared to think what this would be like if I was going through the withdrawals all on their own.

I'm scared in general. I have to keep reminding myself minute to minute that this isn't me, that this isn't my life, but that hopefully very soon I will get me and my life back, and that my husband will get me back too...

The Best Parents

I can't very well write about my husband without writing about the other best part of my life: my parents. In a society where it seems to be so trendy to have a dysfunctional family, I count my lucky stars every day that not only do I have amazing parents, but that I am also lucky enough to call them my best friends. I am turning 32 this year, and thus far have been hard-pressed to find anyone who is as close to their parents as I am. That sounds like I'm trying to make this a competition, which is not the case, I'm merely trying to highlight how precious my relationship with my parents is. I love them with all my heart. They raised me so well that to this day I feel that I can speak to them about anything, something which is so important to me.

I love you guys.