This was something I addressed in my last post but, due to the fact that my post was a tome and I didn't address it until the very end, I would hate for it to have been missed. Therefore, I want to say it again: a little more concisely this time.
Ladies: your birth control pills may be making you a rage monster. Many people, even some doctors, will dismiss this idea along with some insulting quip along the lines of, "Aren't all women just crazy?" Do not listen to them. Do not be embarrassed into dismissing something that could be a real problem. Some women can be affected so strongly by their birth control pills that they feel like they have lost their mind. Speaking for myself, I would lose my temper to the point where I would envision the most violent things: from smashing things in the kitchen to wanting to drive my car into a pole: all in the hope that it may be cathartic enough to alleviate the insurmountable rage. I have since spoken to several doctors who assured me that birth control absolutely can have this affect on some women: it's not in their head!
Whenever the anger set in, the real me was no longer behind the wheel. I was in their somewhere, deeply pleading with the anger to go away and stop saying/doing terrible things, but it wasn't until I had gone too far (like upsetting someone I loved) when the real me was finally able to take back over and the evil would scurry away until next time.
As previously addressed in my blog, I thought the rage and anxiety was just me (I had been on the birth control pills so many years that I never considered them to be a potential culprit) so I ended up on one psychotropic drug or another for a little over 4 years. For numerous reasons I had to come off them and ultimately, to my utter despair, felt the rage begin to sneak back in. It wasn't until I met up with an old friend who described how her birth control pills basically turned her into the Hulk that I realized that this insanity wasn't innate after all: it was the birth control! I had never heard anyone else ever mention this so it simply never occurred to me. Needless to say, I jumped off of them immediately. I was so upset: I had taken psychotropic drugs for 4 years to handle something that was being caused by a pill in the first place.
So, like I said, I came off the birth control. For a brief time, I blissfully enjoyed life without crazy rage. I was over the moon with relief. This warrants repeating: without the birth control pills, my (unwarranted) rage, which I had since I went on them at age 16, was GONE. This is the most important part of this entry, but if you're interested in withdrawal details, there is more...
Unfortunately, my body is still sorting itself out. I have only been off them a brief time so, while I did enjoy a brief period of experiencing what life will be like without the pills, my hormones are still in the process of evening themselves out, so my sanity still comes and goes. This, sadly, is coinciding with my continued withdrawals from the most recent psychotropic drug I was on (Lexapro). I thought I was finally out of the woods with the Lexapro withdrawals, but it turns out a percentage of people who take them (I believe it's 40%) can have withdrawals that last well over a year once they stop. The withdrawals come in cycles. I will be fine for awhile, then all of a sudden all the withdrawals are back. They include such fun things as anger, deep depression, anxiety, as well as a long list of physical issues: I'll spare you those. The Lexapro withdrawals combined with my hormones trying to even themselves out have made me the most fun person in the world to spend time with...if you're a masochist. My poor, poor husband. If it were at all feasible I would lock myself away in a hotel until all of this nonsense was finally over. I can only hope that I am close to the finish line, and that in the near future both the chemicals in my brain and my hormones will have finally recovered from all those abominable pills I never should have taken in the first place. I absolutely believe in the power of positive thinking, so if anyone who reads this could please take a brief moment to will all of this nasty business to be over more quickly, I would greatly appreciate it.
Until next time :)
